Swimming with the Razorfishes

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

Here is my synopsis of Fox's 24 (if you aren't in the US, and can't see this show, count yourself lucky)

- Good God, there is a nuclear weapon in downtown LA!

- Only Jack can save us!

- Jack, find and defuse that bomb at all costs!

- [Jack, to president, on a cell phone] Mr. President, I have found the bomb, but there is a problem: your wife is involved...

- A traitor in the White House!

- A traitor in CTU!

- Jack Bower is a traitor, and must be killed!

- Everyone: find Jack Bower and kill him at all costs!

- [Jack, to CTU, on a cell phone] I can't tell you where I am, but I have found the traitor. I have recorded his voice on {a cell phone | a laptop | a futuristic spy device | a hitachi magic wand vibrator}, but it is smashed and I need CTU's help to retrieve the recording.

- I have found the nuclear weapon, but due to excessively cruel torture, my heart has stopped. I must rest.

- [15 minutes later] I have found the nuclear weapon, and I'm loading it into a small aircraft I happen to have handy.

- I'm flying the aircraft to the desert, I will detonate the nuclear weapon away from civilization.

- We're saved!

- I have jumped from the aircraft at an exceedingly low altitude and survived a nuclear blast in close proximity. I am injured, and must rest.

- [15 minutes later, on the phone with CTU] Jack, the bad guys now have a deadly virus, and will release it into LA, killing everyone.

- We're doomed!

- [Jack, on the phone with CTU]I have found the terrorist's base, and evidence of the virus, but they are gone. I believe they have eaten something containing onions today; can you find them in the NSA database?

- [10 minutes later, on the phone with CTU]Jack, only ten people in a two mile radius of your location have eaten onions today, but there is a twist: they have your daughter!
- Jack's daughter has been kidnapped!

- Jack's daughter is a traitor!

- We're doomed!

The ultra-deadly virus is in the hands of Jack's arch-nemesis / former love interest -- drats!

- We're doomed!

- Jack has tricked his arch-nemesis / former love interest and recovered the ultra-deadly virus!

- We're saved!

- [Jack, to president, on a cell phone] Mr. President, I have found the virus, but there is a problem: your chief of staff is involved...

- A traitor in the White House!

- A traitor in CTU!

- Everyone: find Jack Bower and kill him at all costs!

...

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