Because everyone seems to be doing it, I took the match.com "phyisical attractiveness" test, where match.com asks me some questions, then tells me what kind of person I find attractive.

It was an interesting test, well done. They ask questions, and show pictures of people you have to rate in one of several ways. As I was taking the quiz, I seemed to be marking quite a lot of the ladies as "attractive" or "very attractive." The results confirmed this.

"Your physical "type" refers to women you find appealing and whom you expect would find you attractive as well. In the test, you picked a relatively large number of women as attractive."

That seems to be a nice way of saying, "you appear to be some kind of man-whore." At least they are polite. Throughout the quiz, the instructions say things like, "just use your instincts." Maybe I misinterpreted this:

"The choices you made in the test suggest you have strong, automatic preferences for certain types of women. You made your choices quickly suggesting you have clear physical instincts."

Then they get personal:

"This report highlights your "unique" tastes, or what makes some women personally attractive to you but not to everyone else.

"Interestingly, a lot of the features you liked are not especially popular. They're not what usually defines "mainstream" attractiveness for women."

So they are calling me a freak? Then the test presents a list of women, and asks me to click on the women I think would not be attracted to me. This is where I get into trouble on tests. Based on a picture, you want me to determine that? I'm quietly debating the premise of the question while women's faces are zooming by.

"How many other men your age like this type of woman? Looking at over 10,000 men in your age group who have taken the test, about 34% are attracted to the same types you are."

That is a useful statistic, I suppose. Apparently, only 10% of men are "very attracted" to the type of ladies that do it for me. Does that make me 34% mainstream? I'm starting to get that low blood sugar feeling.

Then they start showing me pictures most mainstream attractive and least mainstream attractive women. Whew. This is complicated.

most mainstream attractive	least mainstream attractive

The funny thing is, all the women in the quiz were mainstream. Painfully so. Not one braid, not one lick of latex. Then they drop the bomb:

"Very Picky: It's official: You're "picky." The fact is you are drawn to the most beautiful of the beautiful. You know what you like in women and are more selective than most men your age. Your tastes seem instinctual. You'd make a great casting agent, because you have a good eye for women who have "star quality.""

Make up your mind: am I a slut or am I picky? Really. And don't try to sugar coat the judgment with some "you'd go far in Hollywood, kid" crap.

"You are very selective, compared to most men, in the types of women you find appealing. You're wowed by "movie star" good looks, and in general, appreciate women with "traditional" or "mainstream" appeal."

This is starting to sound like a bad horoscope, where they say the most obvious things just to see correct. Also a statement of the obvious: "You also seem fascinated by women we call "Super Models." Is there some class of bizzaro men who thing movie star good looks are a turn off? Are the pig-faced doctors hiding somewhere in match.com?

Then they get really personal:

Your choices show a consistent interest in a wide variety of Asian women. These women really stood out to you as being very appealing.

• You found 25% of the Asian women in this test physically attractive.
• You found 10% of the Asian women in this test "date-able".

We've talked about this before. I can't deny it. Additionally, according to the scientists at match.com, "A Caucasian woman's skin tone and hair color did not appear to have any effect on whether you found her appealing or not." I'm not sure what to make of that. Also, "Your choices show a definite interest in Hispanic and Latino women." Yawn. Tell me something I don't know.

Match.com, based on my choices, thinks that "...based upon the choices you made, you prefer a well-endowed woman with much larger breasts." Much larger?

It was fun to take the quiz, but the results were a little disappointing.